The Belarusian Guide to Espionage
by xXNaidaXx
Summary: A guide to stalking, information gathering, lurking, hiding, dealing with Lithuanians, jumping out from dark places, spying and another techniques to make Big brother fall in love with you! With your host Natalia.
1. Back To basics

**A/N: Hopefully this fic does not already exist if it does I swear that I've never read it before and did not plagiarize this. **

**The Belarusian guide to espionage **

**A guide to stalking, information gathering, lurking, hiding, dealing with Lithuanians, jumping out from dark places, spying and another techniques to make Big brother fall in love with you! With your host Natalia. **

**Disclaimer this is not meant to be taken seriously, please don't stalk anyone. Stalking is creepy and will get you a restraining order placed against you. I do not approve of nor indorse stalking, information gathering/ manipulation, lurking, jumping out of dark places (that scares the beans out of people), or stalking**

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**Chapter one the basics. **

**Step one: get to know your target well. This may include but is not limited to learning there schedule, their likes, dislikes, friends and other such things. **

Belarus had her brother's daily schedule out and was reading it. She saw the words "Going to China's for business" and she knew exactly where she needed to go.

**Step two: have good equipment.**

When she got to china's Belarus pulled out her binoculars and scanned the premises. She was faced with a multi locked door. Deciding not to waste her time with this she instead opted for the widow and pried it open with a crowbar.

**Step three: wear proper clothing. **

She reached into the bag at her side and pulled out the panda suit she found in her brother's closet. Placing the head on hers she set out to find China.

**Step four: leave no trace and be silent. **

She snuck up quietly on the black haired man, and when the moment. Was right she pounced.

"Aiya! Panda, what the hell aru?!"

She quickly dragged him off to a closet and locked him in.

**Step five: become a master of disguise. **

Returning to the bag she dug out her next costume. She downed a dark brown wig and red robes. After that she sat and waited for her brother to come for her.

**Next chapter… Avoiding detection & dealing with Lithuanians**

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**A/N: This is the begining of many diffrent stories and uploads so please follow me for my better writing seeing that this is just a little crack!fic!**


	2. Avoiding Detection and Lurking

**o.0 Oh my goodness. Someone from Belarus and Lithuania has read this story… I hope you are not offended! (If you're still reading this) **

**This chapter is written differently but it's only for this one chapter. Please correct my Russian if it is wrong. I learned this from my Russian speaking friend so it should be alright.**

**_Thank you for all your lovely reviews and notifications!_**

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**_Chapter 2: avoiding detection and lurking. _**

**_Lurking is a very important part of spying; the most important thing to remember is not to blow your cover. Lurking can serve as either a way to get information or observe from a distance, you are not to approach your target while lurking. Avoiding detection is also a good skill to master while lurking if there are not many dark sketchy alleys and blending in to large crowds is your best bet. _**

**Step One: Stay in the shadows. If this cannot be achieved then stay in obscure corners. Rules from Chapter One still apply.**

There is a reason why Ivan stays out of dark alleys and that reason is Natalia. Dark alleys and sketchy dark places are the perfect spot to stay unseen and undetected. Many a time he was pounced or tackled by his sister and now Ivan generally stays away from suspicious areas. Now and then he feels like someone is watching him.

**Step Two: Avoid running/ walking into this such as rubbish bins, outdoor seating, small adorable animals, legs and other appendages, rocks, tree roots, and anything else that could be deemed a tripping hazard. **

One day when out on the town Ivan noticed something. Something poking out from behind a bush, it was a hair bow, a very familiar hair bow…

"Иди домой!" he yelled. Natalia took off. She didn't look where she was going and ran into a bin on the side of the street. Ignoring the mess she had just created she kept on going. The bruise lasted for a week.

**Step Three: Learn how to act well. Along with your disguises, leading how to Act and sound like a different person may come in handy. **

Today wearing a pink t-shirt and jeans, Natalia set out into the streets of Vilnius. It was too warm to wear a wig. Instead she replaced her signature ribbon with a hat and hoped it wouldn't matter. The last attempt with China didn't go over well so today she hoped she could make up for her pervious failure. Posing as a tourist gave her the perfect cover to take pictures without raising suspicion. She was adjusting the zoom when someone tapped her shoulder.

"Natalia?"

**Step Four: Don't be noticeable. Overelaborate or extremely bad costumes will make you stick out. This includes and is not limited to: Shiny materials, neon, a mustache and glasses, or a bush. Bushes do not move. Staying low key also includes not shouting or otherwise attracting attention.**

She should have known this was why brother was here! She should have figured it out sooner. Her grip on her camera tightened to the extent that it was about to break. The only reason she didn't throw it at him now was because brother was still nearby. If he found her he would certainly send her home. How was she going to make it out of this?

_To be continued in chapter 3…Dealing with Lithuanians._

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**These chapters may be rewritten later; I'll post it in an A/N if they are. **

**Thanks for reading! (review please!)**


	3. Dealing with Lithuanians

**Chapter 3: Dealing with Lithuanians.**

Let's say that you have an overly persistent guy who can't seem to tell that you hate him. Let's pretend that he's Lithuanian and his name is Toris. If your dear brother seems to actually like this idiot then you may have a problem. You can't get rid of him in the manner that you prefer so follow the directions bellow.

What to do when cover is blown.

_**Scenario One: **__ Partial Recognition. This scenario assumes that you have only been vaguely recognized._

** Step One A:** Confirm if cover is really blow if not entirely blown then take on one of your fake personas ( it is best to have several on hand that have been practiced back story and everything.). Use acting skill discussed in the last chapter. If you have to further engage in conversation find a way to strategically withdraw.

Natalia swallowed her pride and tried out her best American accent.

"Huh, Oh sorry dude am I in your way?" She aimed her camera at a nearby building and pretended to be interested in it. (She was actually but she'd never admit it.)

Toris blinked a couple times. "Oh no I apologize; I thought you were someone I know."

She laughed like she heard Alfred do so many times. "I get that a lot; guess I just have that kind of face. Hey can you tell me how to get to this restaurant? I'm meeting a friend there. "

"Sure what is it called?" he asked.

" Uhh I don't know how to pronounce it. She pulled up a map on her phone and pointed at random to something with a restaurant symbol next to it

Problem Successfully Avoided. 

_**Scenario Two:**__ Complete recognition. This scenario assumes that you have been completely recognized somehow and fake personas are out of the question._

Instinctively Natalia spun on her heel and planted her elbow into the persistent man's stomach. He clutched his stomach in an attempt to keep his organs from rupturing. That stupid smile still on his face. "So what are you doing here? I didn't know you were interested in my place."

She made a break for it.

If subject is still persistent break a few of his phalanges. If he somehow still doesn't get the message; then resort to other methods…

Feliks's house was _pink, _a horrible color Natalia noted. The pole had freaked out when she first arrived and had threatened to get pony. But when she mentioned her reason for coming he invited her in.

_Next chapter….. Handling Diplomacy…_


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